True Love

Finally, it’s time to end this series, which started here. Are young people capable of feeling true love? Is it possible? (Coincidentally, it also happens to be Valentine’s Day. That’s pure coincidence.)

Working off our definition of love, we’ve established that love’s perseverance is best shown through commitments. Are young people capable of making these commitments? Yes. Without a doubt, yes, young people through the ages have been capable of making commitments such as marriage at a very young age. However, there is a minor detail about the modern age that needs to be discussed.

Now, more than ever, there is an ever-increasing fear of commitment among the world. People are afraid to commit to each other, because they worry about the pain that comes with such commitments. Because of this, we now have concepts such as the idea of “friends with benefits,” making sure you are neither. Commitment, at a healthy level, is necessary for any relationship to work. If you are dating, there are a total of two (well, three…) ways for the relationship to change. Way number one, you break up. Way number two, you get married (number three, death, but…). Staying in a dating relationship for ten, fifteen, twenty years is showing that you are actually completely afraid of commitment.

This brings us to part two of the definition. Love’s perseverance will endure trials and hardships for the beloved. If you are afraid of the pain that comes with commitment, you aren’t in love. It’s that simple. Love is willing to pay any price for the beloved. Sure, you may feel a very strong attachment to the person, you may be willing to die for the person, but if you are not willing to suffer pain and humiliation, you are not truly in love.

Are young people capable of this? Are they capable of enduring pain and humiliation for the sake of love? I’d say yes. In fact, there are young people who do it every day. Not necessarily in a romantic relationship, but in the world of today, where to be an actual practicing Christian is a subject of ridicule, and the young people of today who remain faithful endure it anyways. They have proven that they are willing to endure pain and suffering from without for what they love.

The next question that must be asked is whether or not young people can cope with pain and suffering from within the relationship. This comes hand in hand with another part of our definition of love. Love does not equal kindness. Sometimes, it is necessary to have a conversation with your boyfriend about his porn addiction or with your girlfriend about her problem with gossiping. Yes, young people are capable of these mature conversations. Some of them are. It requires a great level of maturity, one that is found in a shrinking number of people, but there are young people of that caliber in the world.

Can young people will the good of another? I’d say this is a stupid question. Of course young people can will the good of another. Anybody who desires well for their family is capable of wiling the good of another. The question I’d like to answer is whether young people are capable of willing the good of another if it means their own pain. I’d again say yes. I’ve seen people as young as seven give up something they wanted because one of their friends actually needed it. If a seven-year-old is capable of this kind of self-sacrificing sharing, I’d hope that we as a culture have not gotten so terrible as to force it out of people by the time they turned 16.

The last step in our definition, can young people understand that love is a free gift of self? I say no. But I also say that many, many, many adults in today’s world don’t understand the full weight of that statement. In fact, I’d say the only person who can fully understand that statement is God. I wouldn’t call this an impediment, though. This is where the imperfection of human love comes in. Humans don’t understand how to give a full, conscious, complete gift of themselves. This is why human love is destined to be imperfect.

However, there is a caveat here. We also discussed the fact that love returns love. This is called the reciprocity of love. Love’s reciprocity demands respect for the person as a human and honoring their dignity as the highest of creatures on earth. (What, you thought I was going to make it through an entire series about love without mentioning chastity?) How is this respect shown? Most clearly by recognizing the fact that this full, free gift of self is meant for only one person. In a dating relationship, the full gift of self should never be given. Why? Because that gift is meant for one person. I don’t mean purely physically, either. There is such a thing as emotional chastity. The secrets of your heart are yours. There is nobody who deserves to know them until you have vowed to one single individual that you will give them your whole self. This is what guarding your heart looks like. (For more on chastity, check out the fine folks at chastity.com or the chastity project.) Yes, young people are capable of this.

But it is this step in the equation that young people find the most difficult and that leads to the most broken relationships.

So, the series is over. We’ve looked at where the world lies on the question of love. We’ve looked at how humans are created for love. We analyzed the most famous biblical passage about love and used that to create a definition for love. And now, we’ve proven that young people are in fact capable of true love. So adults of the world, please, remember that. They are capable of it. But it is very, very difficult. Mentor the young people in your life. Show them how to live a life for love. Help this generation grow up understanding what it means to truly love someone.

Thank you for joining me.