Finally, it’s time to end this series, which started here.
Are young people capable of feeling true love? Is it possible? (Coincidentally,
it also happens to be Valentine’s Day. That’s pure coincidence.)
Working off our definition of love, we’ve established that
love’s perseverance is best shown through commitments. Are young people capable
of making these commitments? Yes. Without a doubt, yes, young people through
the ages have been capable of making commitments such as marriage at a very
young age. However, there is a minor detail about the modern age that needs to
be discussed.
Now, more than ever, there is an ever-increasing fear of
commitment among the world. People are afraid to commit to each other, because
they worry about the pain that comes with such commitments. Because of this, we
now have concepts such as the idea of “friends with benefits,” making sure you
are neither. Commitment, at a healthy level, is necessary for any relationship
to work. If you are dating, there are a total of two (well, three…) ways for
the relationship to change. Way number one, you break up. Way number two, you
get married (number three, death, but…). Staying in a dating relationship for
ten, fifteen, twenty years is showing that you are actually completely afraid
of commitment.
This brings us to part two of the definition. Love’s
perseverance will endure trials and hardships for the beloved. If you are
afraid of the pain that comes with commitment, you aren’t in love. It’s that
simple. Love is willing to pay any price for the beloved. Sure, you may feel a
very strong attachment to the person, you may be willing to die for the person,
but if you are not willing to suffer pain and humiliation, you are not truly in
love.
Are young people capable of this? Are they capable of
enduring pain and humiliation for the sake of love? I’d say yes. In fact, there
are young people who do it every day. Not necessarily in a romantic
relationship, but in the world of today, where to be an actual practicing
Christian is a subject of ridicule, and the young people of today who remain
faithful endure it anyways. They have proven that they are willing to endure
pain and suffering from without for what they love.
The next question that must be asked is whether or not young
people can cope with pain and suffering from within the relationship. This
comes hand in hand with another part of our definition of love. Love does not
equal kindness. Sometimes, it is necessary to have a conversation with your
boyfriend about his porn addiction or with your girlfriend about her problem
with gossiping. Yes, young people are capable of these mature conversations.
Some of them are. It requires a great level of maturity, one that is found in a
shrinking number of people, but there are young people of that caliber in the
world.
Can young people will the good of another? I’d say this is a
stupid question. Of course young people can will the good of another. Anybody
who desires well for their family is capable of wiling the good of another. The
question I’d like to answer is whether young people are capable of willing the
good of another if it means their own
pain. I’d again say yes. I’ve seen people as young as seven give up
something they wanted because one of their friends actually needed it. If a
seven-year-old is capable of this kind of self-sacrificing sharing, I’d hope
that we as a culture have not gotten so terrible as to force it out of people
by the time they turned 16.
The last step in our definition, can young people understand
that love is a free gift of self? I say no. But I also say that many, many,
many adults in today’s world don’t understand the full weight of that
statement. In fact, I’d say the only person who can fully understand that
statement is God. I wouldn’t call this an impediment, though. This is where the
imperfection of human love comes in. Humans don’t understand how to give a
full, conscious, complete gift of themselves. This is why human love is
destined to be imperfect.
However, there is a caveat here. We also discussed the fact
that love returns love. This is called the reciprocity of love. Love’s
reciprocity demands respect for the person as a human and honoring their
dignity as the highest of creatures on earth. (What, you thought I was going to
make it through an entire series about love without mentioning chastity?) How
is this respect shown? Most clearly by recognizing the fact that this full,
free gift of self is meant for only one person. In a dating relationship, the
full gift of self should never be given. Why? Because that gift is meant for
one person. I don’t mean purely physically, either. There is such a thing as
emotional chastity. The secrets of your heart are yours. There is nobody who deserves to know them until you have
vowed to one single individual that you will give them your whole self. This is
what guarding your heart looks like. (For more on chastity, check out the fine
folks at chastity.com or the chastity project.) Yes, young people are
capable of this.
But it is this step in the equation that young people find the
most difficult and that leads to the most broken relationships.
So, the series is over. We’ve looked at where the world lies
on the question of love. We’ve looked at how humans are created for love. We
analyzed the most famous biblical passage about love and used that to create a
definition for love. And now, we’ve proven that young people are in fact
capable of true love. So adults of the world, please, remember that. They are
capable of it. But it is very, very difficult. Mentor the young people in your
life. Show them how to live a life for love. Help this generation grow up
understanding what it means to truly love someone.
Thank you for joining me.
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